Give Up The Need To Control Others
Posted by: JohnAnyone who has studied Abraham’s teachings for any length of time has heard over and over that if you are depending on someone else’s behavior changing in order to feel good, you’re in deep dirt! If you’re angry or frustrated by another’s way of being, you’re using them as your excuse to disconnect yourself from your Source.
Disconnecting yourself from Source feels bad and the more disconnected you become, the worse you feel. The worse you feel, the more you look for reasons why you feel so bad and typically the response is to blame someone or something outside of you for making you feel bad.
Eleanor Roosevelt once said “No one can make you feel bad without your permission.” What she meant was that you have control over whether another person’s behavior adversely affects the way you feel.
Most of us were taught the opposite. Society as a whole believes that it’s possible for someone else’s behavior to have a negative effect on us. The logical conclusion to which that belief leads is that if someone’s behavior is bothering you, they need to stop doing whatever they’re doing in order for you to stop being bothered by it.
So, we set out on a course to change behaviors we don’t like. Those who refuse to change we try to force to change through arguing or medication or psychological conditioning or incarceration or the threat of death. If it’s other nations acting badly, we go to war in order to force them to behave as we would prefer they do.
As Abraham has asked many times: “How’s that working out?”
We have all experienced the futility of trying to get someone else to conform to our standards of behavior. Yes, we all generally try to get along, but we are all selfishly oriented and we have our preferences. We will find ways, some subtle and some not so subtle, to enjoy our preferences. It’s just the way we are.
The only real control we have is over our own gap, i.e. the degree of disconnection from our Source. We can all find better feeling thoughts that bring us relief and close our gap, but it does require some effort to do that. While it’s easier to blame someone else for our feeling bad, it’s much more difficult to get them to change than to simply change our own thoughts.
A Course In Miracles says “There is always another way to look at this.” Our work is to look for other ways to look at things that are causing us to feel badly and find a way of looking at it that brings us some measure of relief.
Allowing another to dictate how you feel is giving up your power. Finding another way to look at the situation reclaims your power and puts control back in your hands where it has always belonged. Just as you can’t control anyone else, they can’t control you, either!
Unless you allow it.
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